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Showing posts from April, 2017

Top 10 Yoda Quotes

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In honor of STAR WARS Day (May the 4th Be With You) this week, all week I will be doing Star Wars themed blog posts. Up today...Top 10 Yoda Quotes.




10. "Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Hmm. A Jedi craves not these things."  -The Empire Strikes Back
Yoda here reminds us that although a Jedi's life is full of adventure and excitement, that's not the goal of the Jedi. It's about keeping the peace, even if that sounds boring.

9. "When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hmmmm?" - Return of the Jedi
Yoda makes a little joke here, telling that with old age comes withering ability. Yoda has lived a long time, and he knows old age and is mature enough to accept that he is soon to pass on.

8. "Hmmm. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense. Never for attack." - The Empire Strikes Back
Yoda is very right here. Jedi never attack. They are guardians of the peace, not the warriors - or freedom fighters - so many people misidentify them as.

7. &…

Things to Avoid When Writing a Good Sci-Fi Story

If you've ever seen Star Wars, or if you're one of the couple hundred people who saw 1985's Star Chaser (widely known as one of the worst Star Wars ripoffs of all time), and you want to write your own sci-fi story, the way I do, avoid these things if you wish to be original. 
Things to avoid when writing a good sci-fi story

Swords made of light Swords with no blades Swords with invisible blades Swords that are given to the hero before the quest begins. Make the sword the object of the quest. Giant space stations Mining Smugglers Princesses Holographic calls for help Auctions Calling robots “droids” Battles on the edge of a bottomless pit Flagship hijackery The villains can’t be robots trying to rule humanity The call to adventure can’t be a mentor calling on the hero, or a cry for help the hero stumbles upon Wretched hives of scum and villainy Trench runs Talking shipboard computers

Sesame Street "Meet Julia" Review

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We gathered round the TV yesterday at 10:30 to watch the highly anticipated and publicized debut of Sesame Street's first Muppet with autism. Her name is Julia, and she is an accurate but not stereotypical portrayal of people with ASD. The episode had a few other notable features, and I felt it necessary to go over them all.
THE STREET SCENE:
Julia was in the very first shot of the episode, showing that the show wanted to display the new character prominently throughout. Though Julia spoke mostly through repeating one word over and over, similar to E.T., she was a figure that all of us could relate to, autistic or not. Julia is puppeteered by Stacey Gordon and voiced by Diane Deland, and I thought both the puppeteer and the voice did a wonderful job with Julia. It was poetic to illustrate that Julia could not properly express herself, unless she was a) singing or b) in her element, alone on the rooftops. 
The show did not seem afraid to use the word "autism" and it was very…

Book Review: Amber Was Brave, Essie Was Smart by Vera B. Williams; You Have to Write by Janet S. Wong

If you were a child who loved to read growing up, a lot of children's picture books would be favorites. The Cat in the Hat and The Giving Tree and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Stuff like that.
And then... A Chair For My Mother (1982) by Vera B. Williams.

This was one of the best things to come out of 1982, along with Ms. Pac-Man, E.T., and Family Ties. Years later I got the sequels to A Chair For My Mother from the library: Music For Everyone (1995) and A Chair For Always (2003), but neither were as good as the original. The original is a children's classic and maybe what ruined it was the fact that there WERE sequels.

But then yesterday at the library I found Williams's Amber Was Brave, Essie Was Smart, which tells the story - through poetry - of two sisters who are both alike and different, and whose father is in jail. In the story, we are first introduced to younger sister Amber and older sister Essie (who look nothing alike) through portraits of them Williams has drawn. T…

Pun Names of Famous Landmarks - Just Change One Letter!

Here are some jokes I came up with about landmarks around the world. Just change one letter and you get a funny new phrase.


Q: Add flavor to your food with this Seattle tourist attraction.
A: The Spice Needle.

Q: Lowlifes and thieves hang around this New York structure spanning the East River.
A: The Crooklyn Bridge.

Q: The tallest building in Chicago is getting shorter.
A: The Sears Lower.

Q: This temple in Cambodia is shaped like the world's most popular household pet.
A: Angkor Cat.

Q: This Ferris wheel in England is made of bread.
A: The London Rye.

Q: This is a Greek monument to country singer Brooks.
A: The Garthenon.

Q: You'll get messy if you sit up against this 4000-year-old Egyptian tomb.
A: The Great Pyramud.

Q: The world's largest indoor stadium, for ten cents.
A: The New Orleans Superdime.

Q: It's a giant piece of footwear rising up from the Australian outback.
A: Ayers Sock.

Q: Wear this Philadelphia monument around your waist.
A: The Liberty Belt.

Q: This seat of Russian gov…

Monopoly Tokens, Ranked

Marge Simpson: Why don't we play Monopoly?
Lisa Simpson: Which version? We've got Star Wars Monopoly, Rasta Monopoly, Galipolopoly, Edna Krabappoly.
Marge Simpson: Let's stick to original Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is. How can an iron be a landlord?
              - The Simpsons, "Brawl in the Family"

That's why I like Monopoly. Because it's fun and easy to satirize. Recently Monopoly added T-Rex, Penguin, and Rubber Duck tokens to the game, making me all the more happy the version we own is a 1997 edition. After I started up a game with my father and younger brother last night (that ended with me collecting all the yellows), I decided to write this post. Here are my thoughts on Monopoly tokens, all in one post.

Monopoly Tokens, Ranked:

1. The car. Although none of the tokens can technically be landlords (as Marge Simpson so helpfully pointed out), with the car I can zoom all over the board. Plus, a car can destroy most of the other tokens with its…

12 Hilarious Drew Magary Quotes

Now, if a kid wants to use the Internet wisely, they stay off Deadspin. But if there’s a guy on Deadspin pointing out all his problems with children’s television, then you just gotta go there. Unless you’re too mature to. At almost 16, my Deadspin days are through. Drew Magary swears a lot, but not as much as the Nostalgia Critic or South Park. I’ve censored the quotes. If you want to report me to the web cops, go ahead, but here are 10 quotes from Drew that I found hilarious. When I was 12.

On “Max and Ruby”: “Usually, it's Max and Ruby's grandmother who has to come along to point out Max's inadvertent triumph. "Oh ho ho! Why, this is the most original historical society invitation I've ever seen!" Then Max smiles and we circle wipe to black.” On “Wow Wow Wubbzy”: The Wubb Girlz have a song of their own, by the way. It goes like this: SING A SONG / SING SING SING / SING ALONG / SING SING -  Now repeat that 80 times. I don't care if it's a reincarnated J…

If I Were to Make a Sitcom, This Is What It Would Be

Sometimes I wonder... why can't life be more like a sitcom?

Life should be both of the two major types of sitcoms. It should start out as the family comedy and becomes the friends-in-an-apartment comedy when you grow up. I'm only 15 but I am a sitcomologist without an official sitcomologist card, so I decided to conceive an idea for a sitcom that I could relate to. It's a friends-in-an-apartment comedy called "The Odd Man Out".

"The Odd Man Out" centers on a young man who moves into an apartment complex - and is roommates with four young women. As you can guess, hilarity ensues. With that simple premise, I could do anything!

Maybe I'm a long way from actually making "The Odd Man Out" happen, but at least I've partially laid out the characters:

Clark: The main character. A man stuck in an apartment with four giggly girls. Center of most of the episodes. Clark has a good heart but a short temper. Only reason he doesn't move out of the ap…

Top 12 Worst College Nicknames

Just what were they thinking when they made these? For this list I’m looking at colleges that have named their athletic teams shocking or unusual things.

The countdown starts now:
12. Xavier Musketeers. Nothing’s wrong with the Musketeers, unless your mascot isn’t even a musketeer. Their mascot is named “The Blue Blob”, and is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s so funny it comes out the other side to genuinely intimidating.

11. Whittier College Poets. Because no one fears poets, except when they look like this nightmare. Seriously, that thing doesn’t even look human. And what might they say at graduation? “Mr. Clark Haile will not be receiving a diploma because he can’t write poems. We here are the Poets, so if you are incapable of writing poetry, you must transfer, Mr. Haile.” If that’s the truth, then close Whittier College.

10. Western Kentucky University Hilltoppers. What is a Hilltopper, anyway? Apparently it’s this thing, which looks like a red Jabba the Hutt with legs and feet. …