Friday, March 31, 2017

5 Things I’m Looking Forward to in the Month of April

When April comes around, there’s always nice weather. And this April features a bunch of special occasions in my family. I’m only a teenager, so my chains are still holding me back, but at least there’s these events:

  1. Gonzaga faces off against North Carolina in the college basketball national championship game. April 3, 9:20 eastern, CBS. My money’s on the Tar Heels.
  2. Sesame Street adds a new regular Muppet character. In 2011, Sesame Street introduced a food insecure Muppet named Lily in a special teaching kit and video that you could only order online, but Lily never appeared on the actual show. In 2012, they introduced Alex, a Muppet whose dad was in jail. He appeared in special teaching kits and videos that you could only order online, but never on the actual show. Then in 2015, the show, with a little help from a family friend, Jennifer Cook O’Toole, introduced an autistic Muppet named Julia, who got the same treatment as Alex and Lily… at first. But then, after angry letters poured in, Sesame Workshop decided to make Julia a regular on the show, and she will make her first appearance on the show in the episode “Meet Julia”, airing on PBS and HBO simultaneously at 10:30 AM Eastern on Monday, April 10. Be sure to tune in for the debut of this amazing new character!
  3. Star Wars Celebration Orlando. Blare the Star Wars theme music, because these adorable little freaks are headed to Orlando too! I don’t know that much about Star Wars Celebration and what I’ll do there, except that I’ll be getting a picture with Mark Hamill! Other guests include Ray Park, Daisy Ridley, Warwick Davis, Felicity Jones, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, Billy Dee Williams, Ian McDiarmid...the list goes on!
  4. The NBA playoffs start April 15. Cavs-Warriors round 3 in the finals, anyone? But I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Spurs or Rockets or Raptors try to make a statement.
  5. Scrabble Day. Since I am the zaniest Scrabble serjeant on my street (at least), I will be glad to participate in a family tournament while we’re in Orlando. Scrabble Day is April 13, and I hope I have enough qi flowing through me, and enough za to eat, when I play.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

12 Scrabble Words That Shouldn’t Be Acceptable

I love word games. And there’s no better word game than Scrabble. Scrabble accepts thousands of words. But some are just strange, so strange that they just shouldn’t be valid words. According to the 2017 Scrabble Dictionary, Scrabble is jampacked with so many strange words. There are so many like that, showing their low standards, but I only had enough qi to find 12.

Here they are:

  1. Za. This is defined as “a slang term for pizza that originated in the Southern California campuses in the 1980s”. I don’t think it is. Scrabble just took a syllable and tried to pass it off as a slang term.
  2. Zzz. As in the “sound” of sleep. First of all, why is “zzz” accepted but not “zzzz” or “zzzzz”? Also, a Scrabble set containes only one Z. So you’d have to burn both blanks, worth zero points, to make “zzz”, making “zzz” worth only ten points, same as a bajillion other words.
  3. Mo. As in “just a mo.” Never heard a moment called a “mo”? Well, neither have I. What’s next, “min”? (“Sec” is legit, though.)
  4. Wo. Means the same thing as “woe”. Now they’re accepting misspelled words. Wo is me.
  5. Cee. As in the spelling of the letter C. I knew you could spell the letter C, but I thought you just spelled it “C”, not “cee”. To make matters worse, there’s “dee” (the letter D), “ef” (the letter F), and “aych” (the letter H).
  6. Luv. Yet another misspelled word. It means “to love”. Plus you must awkwardly double the V to make “luvved” and “luvving”.
  7. Rei. Probably the most indefensible word in the game. “Rei”, not to be confused with everyone’s favorite Star Wars girl, is “an erroneous English form for a former Portuguese coin”. If it’s so erroneous, then why the [CENSORED] is it acceptable?
  8. Sox. Unless you’re a baseball fan in southern Chicago or Boston, you probably don’t want this to be a word. It’s a Scrabble-accepted plural of “sock”, but it’s obviously a misspelling.
  9. Tix. And if you want to see the White Sox play, you’ll have to buy some tix. Enough said.
  10. Pard. Defined as “a leopard”. Like “za” and “mo”, this is just a syllable. And why would slang names for zoo animals even exist?
  11. Zombify. To turn into a zombie. If there ever was a zombie apocalypse, then you’d be too busy trying to escape the zombies to use a pointless and idiotic word like “zombify”.
  12. Serjeant. Yes, “sergeant” with a J. It’s valid.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

10 Aliases I Wrote On My Papers While in Upper Elementary

Back when I went to The Epiphany School of Charlotte, 75% of your grade came from putting the correct name and date on your paper. I don’t know if that’s why I did this, but I liked to put aliases on my papers. Here are 10 that are especially funny.

  1. e.e. cummings. As a sign of protest on a sheet about using capital letters, no less.
  2. Quaker the Parrot. First used on a reading comprehension sheet about quaker parrots. A Quaker is an admittedly unintimidating figure, and so is a parrot. Maybe I just liked the sound of the words.
  3. Boris the Spider. It was a song on a Halloween CD we had. I would always add a little doodle of a spider.
  4. Huevos Rancheros. Huevos rancheros is a Mexican dish involving fried eggs and refried beans, but I have no idea why I signed it as my name.
  5. Sammy Q. Not to be confused with model and actress Maggie Q, who is FBI agent Hannah Wells on the ABC show Designated Survivor. I sometimes hide under a blanket and portray “Sammy”, who calls people windbags (and worse). I know Sammy was from a book, but I don’t know which book. Also, I have no idea where the Q came from.
  6. I Whip My Hair Back and Forth. One time my teacher showed us the infamous 2010 music video for this Willow Smith song. The song’s only lyrics don’t seem like a name, but you’d find it on a lot of my papers. That’s where my parents’ good money went.
  7. Kwyjibo. Actually this made-up word played by Bart Simpson in a game of Scrabble in a 1990 episode of The Simpsons, defined as “a big, dumb, balding North American ape with no chin”, didn’t become an alias of mine until 2016, but it’s still funny.
  8. Donald Trump. This was before he ran for president and won. I found only one paper in my archives signed this, but it’s still hilarious.
  9. Mel Blanc. Mel Blanc was the voice of ALL the Looney Tunes characters. I don’t know why I signed this, but it made me laugh, so there you are.
  10. El Brujo de Oz. Spanish for “The Wizard of Oz”. Again, I have no idea.

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