Saturday, July 15, 2017

10 College Football Bowls With Awful Names, Past, Present, and in One Case, Future

Very soon I will be posting my 2017 college football predictions on this blog. I'm not telling you who's going to win the national championship.

Okay, okay, it's Alabama, because they can never go two years without winning one.

But now let's talk about the bowl games. Everybody knows about the big ones (the Rose, Sugar, Orange, etc.) but if you're running a two-bit bowl like the Frisco Bowl or the Pinstripe Bowl, this post on regrettable bowl names is for you.

There are 39 bowls in college football but I wish there were still only twenty-something (that's how it was when I was born) and now they all have sponsors. So here's my list of college football bowls of the past and present with awful names, presented by Notarealcompany.com.

1. Any bowl named after the city or state in which it is played. 
Fort Worth Bowl, New Orleans Bowl, New Mexico Bowl, Arizona Bowl, St. Petersburg Bowl...but my favorites are the Las Vegas Bowl, which used to be played in Fresno, where it had the awesome name of California Raisin Bowl (!) and the Texas Bowl. There are five bowls played in Texas and out of all of them, the one in Houston gets to be called the Texas Bowl. Even "Houston Bowl" would be a better name than Texas Bowl. Which it actually used to be called, from 2003 to 2005.

2. GalleryFurniture.com Bowl. The Texas Bowl has a long history. It started in 1968 as the Bluebonnet Bowl. And as I mentioned above, it was the Houston Bowl from 2003 to 2005, and in 2006 it assumed its current name. But from 1999 to 2002, it was the GalleryFurniture.com Bowl.
It seems more of an insult than a reward to be crowned GalleryFurniture.com Bowl Champions. You do not want that in your school's trophy case.

Also, I've checked out GalleryFurniture.com. It's pretty boring.

3. TaxSlayer Bowl. Formerly the Gator Bowl, this one is played in Jacksonville, FL, and has the most boring logo of all bowls, too.


It's just the words "TaxSlayer Bowl" and a football. 

4. The many faces of Tangerine. A bowl with so many names, here's a complete list of when it used all its names:

Tangerine Bowl (1972-92; 2001-03, 2017-present)
CarQuest Bowl (1993-97)
MicronPC.com Bowl (1998-2000)
Champs Sports Bowl (2004-2011)
Russell Athletic Bowl (2012-2016)

The MicronPC.com Bowl sounds as bad as the GalleryFurniture.com Bowl. The CarQuest Bowl is pretty bad, too.

5. PapaJohns.com Bowl. This was the original name of what is now the Birmingham Bowl. And in my opinion, attending the PapaJohns Bowl is cool. Attending the PapaJohns.com bowl is not. You may notice a pattern here, so I'll go ahead and say that any bowl with ".com" in its name is an uncool bowl to win.

6. Boardwalk Bowl. Played from 1964 to 1972 during the winter offseason in Atlantic City, NJ. Why are you going to call it the Boardwalk Bowl if it's being played at a time when nobody is using the boardwalk? You can see why it didn't last. Many of its installments were played in sub-freezing temperatures.

7. GoDaddy Bowl. Last year this one had its name changed to Dollar General Bowl. Thank goodness for that, because if you don't know what GoDaddy is, this bowl's name is even worse. GoDaddy is a web company, just so you know.

8. Susan G. Komen for the Cure Bowl. All I can say is: WHAT? Is the Autism Speaks Bowl next? ("Hey, I'm looking for a Vera Hategroup!")

9. Amazon.com Alphabet Bowl. This one is in the works and will be first played on December 22, 2018. I already said that if your bowl game has ".com" in its name, it stinks (sorry, my parents won't let me type "sucks") but the worst part is that it's the Alphabet Bowl. What's the special connection between Amazon.com and the alphabet? Amazon.com doesn't seem to have a specialty with the alphabet, except for the fact that I got my new Scrabble tiles from there.

10. Little Caesars Pizza Bowl. This one is THE WORST BOWL NAME EVER. It doesn't work at all. Decent bowls like the Rose, Sugar, and Cotton are named after crops. Little Caesars is not the most reliable of pizza brands, and pizza is not a crop.

I've gone a couple lines down, and pizza is still not a crop.









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