Tuesday, March 21, 2017

10 Aliases I Wrote On My Papers While in Upper Elementary

Back when I went to The Epiphany School of Charlotte, 75% of your grade came from putting the correct name and date on your paper. I don’t know if that’s why I did this, but I liked to put aliases on my papers. Here are 10 that are especially funny.


  1. e.e. cummings. As a sign of protest on a sheet about using capital letters, no less.
  2. Quaker the Parrot. First used on a reading comprehension sheet about quaker parrots. A Quaker is an admittedly unintimidating figure, and so is a parrot. Maybe I just liked the sound of the words.
  3. Boris the Spider. It was a song on a Halloween CD we had. I would always add a little doodle of a spider.
  4. Huevos Rancheros. Huevos rancheros is a Mexican dish involving fried eggs and refried beans, but I have no idea why I signed it as my name.
  5. Sammy Q. Not to be confused with model and actress Maggie Q, who is FBI agent Hannah Wells on the ABC show Designated Survivor. I sometimes hide under a blanket and portray “Sammy”, who calls people windbags (and worse). I know Sammy was from a book, but I don’t know which book. Also, I have no idea where the Q came from.
  6. I Whip My Hair Back and Forth. One time my teacher showed us the infamous 2010 music video for this Willow Smith song. The song’s only lyrics don’t seem like a name, but you’d find it on a lot of my papers. That’s where my parents’ good money went.
  7. Kwyjibo. Actually this made-up word played by Bart Simpson in a game of Scrabble in a 1990 episode of The Simpsons, defined as “a big, dumb, balding North American ape with no chin”, didn’t become an alias of mine until 2016, but it’s still funny.
  8. Donald Trump. This was before he ran for president and won. I found only one paper in my archives signed this, but it’s still hilarious.
  9. Mel Blanc. Mel Blanc was the voice of ALL the Looney Tunes characters. I don’t know why I signed this, but it made me laugh, so there you are.
  10. El Brujo de Oz. Spanish for “The Wizard of Oz”. Again, I have no idea.

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