Friday, November 4, 2016

Sketch - Early Voting Woes

The scene is a dinner table in Northwestern Pennsylvania. A boy and his mother and father sit together.

DAD
Indians are going into the World Series with the Chicago Cubs. Oh and by the way, I voted early today.


BOY
Who did you vote for?


DAD
Donald Trump! “Make America Great Again!”


BOY (loudly, stands up)
Trump? He’s a buffoon and a racist! Go back and change your vote tomorrow!
You can do that here in Pennsylvania!


DAD
No, I’ve decided---


BOY (loudly)
He’s a big bully, that Trump!


MOM
Do you want to set a bad example for your child?
DAD
Guess I need to vote again. (puts his face in his hands)


THE NEXT NIGHT…


BOY
So who did you vote for this time?


DAD
Hillary Clinton!!


BOY (loudly, stands up)
Hillary? The criminal who was in cahoots with the Democratic Party all along and rigged the primaries to get herself the nomination? Go back and change your vote again! You don’t want that devious felon as our president, do you?
DAD
But that’s who I voted for.


BOY
Change your vote! We can’t have a felon as president!


MOM
Do you want to set a bad example for your child?


DAD
Oh, great.


THE NEXT NIGHT
BOY
So who did you---


DAD
Gary Johnson of the Libertarian Party!


BOY (loudly, standing up)
The one who acts like he’s on marijuana, and wants to legalize drugs?
I’ll bet he’s a pothead! Gary Johnson is a dirty pot smoker! Change your vote!


MOM
(starts to speak)


DAD
I do not want to set a bad example for my child.


THE NEXT NIGHT…


BOY
And this time, it’s…


DAD
Jill Stein, Green Party!!


BOY (loudly, standing up)
The one who says she’s so environmentally friendly but invests in coal and oil companies? That hypocrite?


MOM
You know, you should really look at all your choices and…


DAD
You’re right.


ON ELECTION NIGHT…


BOY
It’s finally Election Night. Did you make up your mind?


DAD
As a matter of fact, I brought the guy I voted for home with me. (Calls) Hey Slider, come on out!


Enter SLIDER, a fuzzy fuschia-colored creature in an Indians shirt. He is the mascot of the Cleveland Indians. He barrels into the kitchen.


DAD
Gooooooo...Indians! We going to win the World Series next year! (does a little dance with Slider)


Slider makes some strange noises.


DAD
He says, “My fellow Americans, thank you for putting your support behind me, and on behalf of the Cleveland Indians organization, I thank you so much.”


Slider produces the tune of “Hail to the Chief” somehow.


THE END








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